3. From an Omniscient Perspective
Isn’t it funny how our lives consist of so many seconds, minutes, hours, and days… and yet we only seem to remember a select few moments throughout our lives?
That question may or may not hold any significance in your brain as you read it, but it is something I’ve chewed on a ton here within the last week and change. As I turn 24 in a week, it means that I will have been alive for about 8,700 days, but yet I could only recall memories from probably 250-300… maybe? Doesn’t really seem like a good retention rate… pretty far the Mendoza Line. Even today for example: I walk out of the clubhouse to go to run a cart to the range while working when a member and his wife say “Hey Garrett!” to me and proceed to have a full conversation with me about my upcoming tournament schedule… and I didn’t have the first idea what their names were. It’s possible that I don’t possess the amount of mental power as the rest of my peers, but even when I look back on the year that I experienced this year I feel as if I can pull memories from about 50-60 days total, with most of those coming from the last three months. Maybe I need to try harder to remember (insert shrugging man emoji), maybe I sell myself short on my ability to recall moments from my life because I’ve never actually been in a situation where I need to remember moments from my past. It’s almost as if you have an invisible camera crew following you around for every moment in life and you never know when the red light will pop up on top to let you know the cameras are rolling instead of just keeping you in the frame, like you never know when you’re about to experience a new core moment which will be engrained in you forever. Maybe you feel the same, maybe I’m slowly devolving into some state of mania. Kinda tough to tell at this point.
I think the reason I bring up this topic is because I wonder what moments from the first days of living in my new home I’ll remember later on in life. Am I experiencing moments today that I’ll recall on being the beginning of something special when I’m old and gray, or will these memories fade into oblivion as well? Is this person I shook hands with today bound to be a lifelong friend or mentor, or is his name going to be on the last minute of the end credits rolling after the movie finishes that nobody watches? It almost feels as if I’ve picked up a new book and I’m looking at each person, place, and object introduced and I’m trying to find Chekov’s gun (to those who aren’t enthusiasts of literary devices, give it a Google). It’s almost as if I’m trying to get into the brain of the author of this life while I’m living it and I’m trying to predict where the story is going to turn in the next chapter. Does this main character find everything he wants in the end? Does he experience the untimely demise like other tragic heroes of history?
At this point of the article, I’ve either sparked some intriguing internal thought in you or you’ve tuned me out. Hopefully it’s the former and not the latter. I feel like I am onto some deep level of introspect but it honestly could just be some sense of narcissism materializing instead. But the honest to God question I’m trying to ask and create some connection with is “what does He have planned for me?” I have so many things in this life that I want to achieve and possess, but so often these wishes evade me. Why is it that I feel as if even though I try my hardest to align myself within God’s will the wishes I have in life are often not fulfilled even when I feel as if they are glorifying to him? I’m not trying to say that I deserve to get everything in this life that I desire, but I would hope that God would reward my desires if they come from the correct intentions.
If there is one large lesson that I have learned this year… it is that I understand why I don’t understand. I sat in my condo late one night while hosting one of my friends for the night and we got into a long conversation about how to make correct decisions in life, and the dialogue got to the point of me affirming my belief that while we cannot begin to reflect the thoughts and processes of our Lord, we still have to do the best with the tools we are given. We don’t have to stress about making the correct decision to please God if we are consistent in furthering our understanding of him, are consistent in prayer, and if we do what we can to use our faculties of logic and reason to make the best decision possible. It’s why I’ve never lost sleep about making the decision to move five states away. I can’t begin to know if I will achieve the outcome that I want out of this situation, but I trust that God is going to use this chapter in life to bring glory to Him and to grow me in my walk with Him. We cannot begin to think that our abilities to reason and philosophize can reach the levels of our Creator, but we have to do the best with what we have in order to help ourselves.
Many nights before I go to sleep, I put my head on my pillow and picture God looking down on the life I am living from His omniscient perspective and wonder how he’s putting the pieces together. Why has he put people into my life? Why has he taken others out? Was there significance in me meeting this person today or is it just another passer-by? Will today be one of the days I remember forever? These are all impossible questions for me to answer but I hope to ask Him at some point when all is said and done.
But setting aside my deep thoughts for the evening, everything here in Port Saint Lucie is going well. It is nice to be in a routine of work, practice, play, and recovery. I look forward to making more connections, growing in my walk, and staying in touch with those who are closest to me. It is weird to think how the holidays will be away from my family this year and that I will be working a shift on Thanksgiving instead of breaking bread with my family, and it’s weird to not know the next time I’ll be back home.
If you ever want to know more, please reach out. I want to hear from you, life is measured in connections. Please let me know if I’m onto something or if I just rambled for an entire article. Thanks as always for giving me five minutes of your time to read, I don’t take it for granted and I hope you’ll come back again soon.
