4. A Non-Scholar's Guide to Non-Linear Progressions
To start things off, the term “non-linear progression” really has nothing to do with mathematics, I was thinking of the term “non-linear regression” when I wrote the title of this piece, something that is more applicable to arithmetic instead of life’s goals.
One of my favorite memories from this year came from my family’s trip out to California at Yosemite National Park. For those of you who haven’t been out west, I would recommend going to California just to see Yosemite Valley and nothing else. It truly is the most spectacular sight I’ve witnessed in my entire life, even surpassing the Grand Canyon among other places. To stand at the bottom of a valley with 4,000 foot cliffs surrounding you and the Merced River running through it is something that cannot be accurately described through words, it is something that must be experienced instead of told about. El Capitan is not a former Yankee’s star… it is 89 degree rockface in the Sierra Nevada’s.
On our final day of our trip out west, my Dad and I took on a less difficult version of one of the park’s most famous hikes, as my Mom and sister dropped us off at Glacier Point and left us to hike down to the bottom of the valley. The five mile hike was not difficult through its length, but more through the challenge of dealing with a steep 10% grade all the way to the bottom. The trail was not uniform… it consisted of eroded pavement and loose pebbles which made keeping traction on the trail difficult. I’m sure it’s not actually the case, but it would not surprise me if it took a similar amount of time and effort to hike up the 4,000 foot ascent as it did to hike down the cliff instead. Hiking downhill is often tougher on the body since you have to have more conscious control of your lower body and experience higher impact on your feet due to the angle you are keeping your heels at to walk down a slope. My Dad and I estimated it would take us about 90 minutes to complete the five mile hike since we were going downhill… it took us just over two hours instead to traverse the harsh trail. There would be times where you would either level out in slope or even hike uphill for a short period of time, only to be met with a staircase taking you down 200 feet. My Dad is not in bad shape by any stretch of the imagination being a former Philmont ranger who has dropped several pounds in the last year, but in the last two miles of the hike his legs were shaking uncontrollably due to the lack of comfort on the harsh terrain. I told him he looked to be twice his age making the hike and he told me he felt the same way, but we eventually got down to the bottom fully intact, just to fight foreigners for a spot on the bus to take us into the village.
The point of that story is to reflect upon that short journey down to the bottom of the valley and to understand that it is hard to understand how much progress we are making throughout the hike since we cannot make out a huge difference in elevation since the landscape around us is so dramatic and due to our deteriorating physical states while traveling downhill. But throughout the hike I wondered how we would have faired going the other way and traveled uphill. Would the hike have been more satisfying had we started at the bottom and looked down at the valley from Glacier Point instead? A common theme of hiking up mountains is encountering false peaks, short downhill portions, and even point where you feel as if you cannot move on due to your fatigue. It’s not just like you are going up or down a constant slope when attempting to climb up or down anywhere, you encounter portions which are easier, harder, and seemingly impossible to complete.
I believe the same principle applies to growth in life as well. If you keep your head down while going through life and do not take a moment to look up at the landscape around you, you will only see the dirty trail and get caught up in the struggle you are currently attempting to tackle. While it is easy to look ahead and up at the mountain you are attempting to climb or down to the bottom of Yosemite Valley, it can be daunting to see how much progress you still have to make to arrive at your final destination. While these realities can be tough to face, each should be contrasted with the amount of progress you’ve made in the past to show how far you’ve come. When it was in California, we judged our progress by how the view of Yosemite Falls differed as we came down the north rim of the valley. In life, I judge the progress I’ve made by understanding how I felt about myself earlier this year and understanding how I’ve taken steps to improve my life in many different areas.
Be that as it may, I still constantly catch myself looking down at the trail and up at the peak ahead of me. Despite the 80 degree weather, I still have moments throughout the day where I battle with myself and forget about the good situation I find myself in. Many people have told me recently that working and having a busy routine throughout the day will help me battle yesterday’s demons and to forget about some past struggles, but I’ve found that the only chance I have at forgetting yesterday’s pains is to make a conscious effort to distract myself from those demons. Just because there are things on the to-do list to complete does not mean you have the escape from yesterday’s mental battles, it just means that you have new challenges to throw into the mix, meaning that yesterday’s challenges just take up a little smaller slice of the pie. My problems from yesterday haven’t gone away, but I’ve come to understand that they may not for a while and that I am making progress with dealing with those challenges. Just because I have sad moments throughout the day does not mean my life is sad by any stretch of the imagination. Just because I look up at the 14,000 foot summit of life’s challenges and see I still have to climb another 5,000 feet doesn’t mean that I can’t look back on the 4,000 feet I’ve already ascended and be proud of myself for that progress. Just because I go through brief periods of backsliding does not mean I’m digressing… it just means that I’ve not arrived and that I need to keep going.
So often in life we focus on being correct instead of making a decision to the point where we cannot even begin to make a choice, being flat out crippled by the fear of doing something incorrectly. I believe that living life in this manner shows a lack of trust not just in yourself to use your own faculties of logic and reason, but also in God to use you in his desired manner to grow you, others, and His kingdom. Not having a map to this journey should never mean that we sit idly and wait for a path to appear in front of us, because most times nothing will happen in front of you and you will only break down in your own inaction. I found this out the hard way in Colorado and for my final weeks in Indiana as well. So I vowed when I got down to Florida I was going to take action and attempt to be productive each day and find a way to forge a path without the fear of it being incorrect.
I have struggled to trust God in how he wants to direct my life, but I feel as if I am getting better at it each day. Trusting him does not mean waiting for him to act in your life in the manner which you see fit, but knowing that he will use your actions as a part in his all-knowing plan. It reflects the journey of Hezekiah in his struggle against the Assyrians in the book of 2 Kings, as he told God what he wanted and went out to proactively take steps to use his faculties of reason, logic, and action to do what he thought would please God, but ultimately letting Him write the story. I’ve even preached to others recently that God cannot use a soldier who is sitting down, he needs someone who is willing to act and get in the fight. You may not understand how he will use you and the others around you, but you can trust that if you make the best possible decision through your own faculties and pray to God that his will be done, whatever happens is for the best. Play your cards as best you can. Be that as it may, telling God what you want in life and not getting it can be one of the toughest things to feel. I trust God has my heart in mind, but sometimes it can be tough feeling as if my immediate wishes are rarely fulfilled.
Non-linear progression in my situation means that just because I feel worse today than I did yesterday or I didn’t have a good round of golf today doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten worse and lost my progress. Golf could be the least linear sport of all time when it comes to performance. Sometimes you feel better about yourself shooting 73 in a day than you would having shot 67 because of the way you fought throughout the day and the circumstances presented to you. Does the 73 mean you backslid and that you're a worse golfer because you played better yesterday? Not an easy question to answer. But the weird thing about the journey I am trying to make is that there is no trail or map for how to get to my destination… and maybe I don’t even know where my destination is. I have no idea when to expect peaks, valleys, plateaus, and other types of highs and lows that life will present, but I do trust that He will keep me moving in the direction I need if I keep my eyes focused on Him instead of down at my shoes instead.
I trust God to guide my life in the way he sees fit for me. It may work out for me to achieve my goals in the way I currently see fit, it may work out in a fashion which has not presented itself to me yet. But I promise to you and to Him that I will keep moving forward. I may have some low moments as I currently face every now and then, but it doesn’t mean I’m not making progress. My golf game today is so much better than it was back in February, even though I’ll see some moments which don’t make me proud. But I hope that through trusting Him, staying in motion, and keeping my eyes up off the trail, I’ll continue to grow in a non-linear way.
***A final note not included in the article*** I am beginning my tournament schedule a week from tomorrow and I am excited to get the ball rolling! It is my goal to get 5-8 competitive rounds per month here through February to sharpen up, and I am starting that with a Minor League Golf Tour event at Wellington National GC in Wellington FL on December 4, and a West Florida Golf Tour event at The Ritz-Carlton Members’ Club in Sarasota, FL on December 11. I hope my next article will be published following those events and can reflect on what I’ve learned about golf during those periods. Thanks to all who are keeping up with me and keeping me in your prayers.